


don't tell me how to love someone

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4339460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a lot of things have changed about josh dun since he graduated from high school and went on to college. out of all those things that changed, one thing that always stuck was how easy it was to pick his childhood friend of eight years out in a crowd. they lost contact (he likes to say that, even if the truth was that he chose to stop speaking to the other entirely) after josh left him behind, leaving their friendship on an incredibly rocky slope.</p><p>honestly, he really should've just stayed in college.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i love you more than anyone

**Author's Note:**

> one time i skyped destery somewhere around one in the morning and this fic was born.  
> it's gonna be a hell of a ride, so i hope you're down to read it all and ENJOY.
> 
> this is my first multi-chaptered fic so do be gentle with my fragile heart <3  
> title is from los angeles by the bird and the bee! it's a lovely song so please do listen to it!!

There’s a lot of things that have changed about Josh Dun since he graduated from high school and moved on to college. For example, his hair is a vibrant, fire-truck red as opposed to his natural brown; he claims to hate the weird – and occasionally awe-inspired – looks thrown his way when he’s out in public, but really, he sort of loves it in some egoistical way. His ears are pierced and gauged up a few sizes to where you can clearly see through the tunnel – he says he’d love to make them bigger one day, but he keeps putting it off because he’s a little scared of going any bigger.

He pierced his lip, too, right in the middle, but it was a mistake, one of which he isn’t fond of talking about (truthfully, he got a little too drunk at a party and took a bet that ended up in a tattoo shop and someone unfamiliar sticking a needle through his mouth). He took the ring out and let it heal over, much to his friend who won the bet’s dissatisfaction. Almost instantly, no matter how stupid the circumstances where, he did miss having a piercing, so he went and had his nostril pierced completely sober.

There’s a literal forest of color, greens and blues and yellows and oranges, on one of his arms. He’s perfectly sure of it’s meaning but it’s not something he favors talking about, so he doesn’t. He remembers in high school promising his mother, after Jordan came home with a pierced eyebrow (a dare at a friend’s house that went awry and he immediately had to take it out), that he wouldn’t do anything too drastic like his brother. He came home over winter break with the tree printed onto his arm, and her look of betrayal and upset was one he never forgot. She was one of the few people he told the meaning to, and eventually, she relented and told him that it was ‘quite beautiful’.

As much as he loved his college experiences, he didn’t love college, per se.

He stayed for as long as he could stand but his anxiety was too much for him to handle and he ended up on the porch of his childhood home, telling his mother he’d dropped out.

“What do you mean, you dropped out?” she questioned.

“It means that I dropped out,” Josh sighed, and she closed the door in his face. He stood there with his arms crossed until his father reopened it, gathering him up in a hug before ushering him inside.

There was a lengthy conversation between his parents, one he wasn’t invited into. Eventually, it was decided he would be able to stay with them, provided he got a job and began looking for a place of his own immediately.

Out of everything that has changed about him, one thing that always stuck was how _easy_ it was to pick his childhood friend of eight years out in a crowd. They lost contact (he likes to say that, even if the truth was that he chose to stop speaking to the other entirely) after Josh left for college, leaving their friendship on an incredibly rocky slope.

He used to love that little fact. He’d never lose Tyler at the mall or the food court or anywhere even remotely busy. Today, he hates it, because he thinks he sees someone that looks too much like Tyler to be a coincidence down an aisle in a grocery store that his mother sent him to for a gallon of milk. He’s holding something in his hands, but Josh can’t see it clearly as he’s turned his back and is talking to someone, so he walks forward and gradually closes the distance between them.

Whoever it is turns slightly to the right, and the similarities are too close for comfort. “Tyler?” he tries, eyebrows furrowed.

He turns around at the mention of his name, eyes widening when he sees Josh standing in front of him. Oddly enough, there’s a baby against his chest, Tyler’s arm around their back.

“Josh,” he deadpans, arm tightening around the baby immediately. “What are you doing here?”

“Long story – uh,” he coughs, awkwardly, his eyes dropping unintentionally to the child, but he refuses to ask questions.

There’s a long pause between them as they stare each other down and Josh thinks he would love to melt into the floor. It reaches into a few seconds before their impromptu staring contest is interrupted by a pretty girl with short blonde hair who feels vaguely familiar, pushing a cart up next to Tyler. She grins at him warmly, motioning for the baby, and Josh _stares_ as Tyler hands the child to her.

“Oh, hi!” she chirps as her eyes land on Josh, and she situates the baby in one arm, extending her other hand toward him. Against his better judgment, he shakes her hand and smiles in return. “I’m Jenna.”

“Hi,” he says, warmly. His eyes flicker to Tyler, who has a look of pure, shocked horror covering his face, before he focuses back on Jenna. “I’m Josh.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” she grins, and he hates how lovely she is because it makes it incredibly difficult to hate _her_ for quite possibly being the mother to the person he never really could let go of’s child. “How do you know Tyler?”

“We were friends in high school,” Tyler says before Josh can even try to respond, forcing a smile onto his face. “Jen, I’ll be back in a bit, okay? Just gonna catch up with Josh.”

“Okay,” she sighs, smiling once more at Josh. He feels deathly uncomfortable, responding only by shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “Have fun. I’ll meet you by my car once I’m finished.”

Tyler nods, grabbing Josh’s arm before dragging him down the aisle. He allows himself to be pulled throughout the store, both of them silent until they’re outside. Tyler releases his arm like he’s been burned, an irritated look crossing his face. “I’m serious, why are you _here_?”

“Does it matter?” Josh retorts, crossing his arms petulantly. “When did _you_ have a baby?”

Tyler runs a hand through his hair. “Who said he was mine?”

Immediately, Josh begins to backtrack, mouth falling open. “I’m sorry –“

“Don’t,” Tyler sighs, holding up one hand before shutting his eyes. “He’s mine.”

“Tyler, are you married, or something?” Josh’s eyes narrow. Jealously writhes hotly within him for reasons unknown, and he avoids Tyler’s gaze by searching his left hand for any sign of a ring.

“No. God, we’re not even dating,” he sighs, tapping his foot on the pavement. “Look, I would’ve told you, honestly, I would’ve, but I just. I didn’t want to hurt you, okay?”

Josh breathes heavily through his nose, unsure of what to do with himself. He’s filled with anger and irritation, curling in on himself. “Didn’t want to _hurt_ me? Tyler, for Christ’s sake, you have a baby.”

“I’m aware of that, Josh,” Tyler hisses, digging his nails into his palms to keep himself calmed. “It was an acc –“

His words are cut off by a laughing Jenna pushing her cart out of the door, catching Tyler’s attention. “Hey,” she grins. “Ready to go?”

“Very,” Tyler’s smile is strained. He turns to Josh reluctantly, putting a hand on his arm – Josh jerks out of his grasp, and Tyler sighs heavily. “I’ll call you and explain everything, okay? Are you staying at your parent’s?”

He nods jerkily, and Tyler’s expression slowly turns worried, before he turns from him and walks away with Jenna.

He stands and he stares at Tyler’s back angrily. He doesn’t even remember to go back inside and get a gallon of milk. Instead, he returns to his car and he slams his head on the steering wheel, ignoring the loud shrieking of the horn underneath his skull.

“Fuck,” he groans, shoving the keys into the ignition. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.”

God, he wishes he would’ve just stayed in college.


	2. to you, all i feel is deny, deny, denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler's still an idiot, jenna's always an angel, and josh doesn't know what he's supposed to do with all this information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GO THE NEXT INSTALLMENT WHERE I AM SUFFERING
> 
> major shoutout to destery for being an amazing friend, an even better editor, and an excellent beta reader. i don't have enough room to say how much i love and appreciate you so i'll leave it at that.
> 
> enjoy! title is from polarize ~

Josh plants himself at his kitchen table, sinking into the chair. He rests his head on top of the surface, exhaling heavily.

“Did you get the milk – oh, honey, what’s the matter?” his mother asks as she enters the kitchen, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“You will never _guess_ who I ran into,” Josh groans, throwing himself back in the chair. His mother pulls the chair out next to him, settling her chin in her palm.

“Who?”

“Freakin’ Tyler Joseph,” he sighs, closing his eyes. “And his baby. Can you _believe_ that? He had a baby.”

His mother stills, eyes wide. He looks at her when only silence greets his ears, gauging her expression carefully. “Wait a minute,” he sets his jaw. “Did you know about this?”

“Well, we might have,” she sighs, sitting up straighter. “Honey, you know this is a small town, word gets around quick.”

“Mom!” Josh whines. “You knew, and you didn’t bother to call and tell me?”

“Josh, I didn’t want you to get hurt,” she tries, reaching out to him carefully, but he pulls away. “I knew how much he meant to you.”

“You should’ve told me, mom,” he sighs. “You could’ve spared me the most awkward run-in of my life. God, if he calls, I don’t want to talk to him. _Ever_."

He pushes his chair back and he storms up the stairs to the room of his childhood. The room where he kissed Tyler for the first time when his parents weren’t home.

Jesus, he really never was getting over him, was he?

His mother comes into his room where he’s splayed across his mattress and hands him the phone ten minutes later, refusing to tell him who it is. He hesitantly brings it up to his ear and watches as she leaves his room before he asks, “Hello?”

“Hey, Josh,” comes Tyler’s voice, and Josh nearly hangs up the phone right then and there.

He figures he owes Tyler at least one chance to explain himself, so he sits himself upright. “Hey.”

“Look, I know this is weird for you. It’s really weird for me, too.”

He remains quiet, picking at a loose thread on his comforter. 

Tyler huffs a sigh. “Maybe it would be better if we met up in person.”

Josh’s heart jumps painfully at the chance to see him again.

“Uh. How about Starbucks? My treat,” he tries.

“Fine. Pick me up in ten.”

He doesn’t give him the chance to respond, merely ending the call before flopping down in his bed. He stays there for as long as possible until his mother appears in his doorway, knocking on the wall.

“Josh, Tyler’s here to pick you up,” she shoots him a look that he doesn’t feel like trying to decipher, and he forces himself off of his bed, following her down the stairs. Tyler’s standing awkwardly in the entrance of his hallway, glancing up and down every two seconds from Josh’s face to his shoes.

Tyler smiles at him, timid, and Josh fixes him with a cold, stone-faced glare.

Tyler attempts to make small talk as he drives, Josh giving non-committal, one-word answers. He’s aware he’s being childish but he’s not exactly in the right mindset to be talking to Tyler again, especially after everything they left unresolved, up in the air; Tyler resigns to toying with the radio station, tapping beats of songs against the steering wheel and quietly singing disjointed lyrics from the songs that he hears.

It’s things like this that remind Josh painfully of why he fell in love in the first place. He swallows heavily, and Tyler looks at him, eyes nervous.

He nearly topples out onto the pavement in his rush to get out of the tension-thick air swarming Tyler’s car when they park at their destination. He walks toward the entrance without Tyler, leaving him to run to catch up so they can walk next to each other; he swears Tyler brushes their hands together on purpose, but he chooses wisely to ignore the gesture, and he allows Tyler to open the door for him.

“Here, find us a table and I’ll order,” Tyler smiles, and it’s obvious he’s trying incredibly hard to hold everything together, so Josh sulks off and sinks into a chair at a table nestled into a warm corner.

Tyler approaches slowly with two cups in his hands a few minutes later. He sits down opposite Josh, passing him one of the cups; he picks it up off the table and sips at it. His mind and heart jolt at the same time when he realizes that it’s the same thing he used to order in high school when Tyler used to take him to Starbucks – he remembers his favorite drink, even after all the time they spent apart.

God, he wants to cry. Tyler drinks his, slowly eyeing Josh.

“Alright,” Josh sets his cup down, leaning back against the chair. “Explain.”

“Huh, straight to the chase,” Tyler gives him a dry smile, one that Josh doesn’t bother returning. “Okay.”

 

+

 

Brendon’s sick of seeing Tyler moping around over Josh leaving for college. He tears into his room, slamming his door behind him, a wicked grin on his face.

“Brendon, what the _fuck_? How did you get in here?” Tyler demands immediately where he’s sat on his bed, phone in hand, mouth wide open.

“Zack let me in,” he explains, quickly moving toward his closet before tearing through it. He throws a random shirt at Tyler and rummages through his drawers, shirt followed by a pair of jeans. “Get dressed. My friend’s throwing a party and you’re going.”

“Fucking Zack,” Tyler groans, flopping against his mattress and effectively crushing his phone underneath his abdomen. “I’m not going anywhere, Bren, I don’t feel like it.”

Brendon sighs dramatically, hands on his hips. “Okay, your gay boyfriend left you for college, so what? Get your ass up. You’re going whether you like it or not, even if I have to drag you there. We can find you another gay boyfriend.”

Tyler rolls over to his other side, feeling slightly offended, even if Brendon _does_ mean well. “Fuck off.”

“Alright, suit yourself.”

Instantly, there’s a pair of hands underneath his chest, and he finds his vision flipped upside down as he’s thrown over Brendon’s shoulder. “Jesus Christ,” he groans. “Put me down before I _puke_.”

“You can puke after you drown your sorrows in alcohol,” Brendon replies, tightening his arms around Tyler’s waist. His head repeatedly smacks against Brendon’s back as he tromps down the stairs.

“Bye, Brendon! Bye… Tyler?” he hears Zack’s voice from the living room as the door creaks opens and they step outside, and Brendon laughs.

He sets Tyler back on his feet once they’re outside, his vision swimming lazily. A frown settles on his face and he crosses his arms across his chest before mumbling, “I _really_ don’t feel like going out, Bren.”

Brendon pushes at his shoulder. “Hey, come on. Everyone is worried about you. It’ll be fun. You could use some time out of your house.”

Tyler rolls his eyes, but he relents, opening the passenger side door of Brendon’s car before plopping down onto the seat. He refuses to talk for the entire drive, even if the party is only two blocks away, and he knows exactly what house it is from a mile away from the amount of people that are gathered on the lawn.

Immediately after he steps out of the car, blinking into the sunlight, Brendon grabs his wrist and drags him inside, toward a couple of chairs gathered at the table in the darkened kitchen.

“Wait here,” Brendon says, shoving him down by his shoulders, and promptly disappears again. It’s about a minute of Tyler glaring at the floor and random people’s backs as they pass by him, wondering who’s house he’s in, when Brendon reappears, arms linked with a short, pretty blonde girl that Tyler thinks he might’ve had a class in high school with.

“ _This_ ,” Brendon says airily and gives Tyler a look he doesn’t understand, pushing the girl forward by her shoulders, “Is Jenna.”

She reaches a hand out instantly with a smile that could easily outshine the sun. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

“Hi,” Tyler grins, shaking her hand with ease. “I’m Tyler.”

They agree that they had chemistry together one year, and Tyler finds himself at ease with her bubbly personality and beautiful, perfectly white and straight teeth. Her smile could even match up to Josh’s, if he really thought about it, but he doesn’t feel like dwelling too much about him at the moment. Brendon passes him a red solo cup that smells suspicious before wandering off into the throng of random faces he can’t place names to, but he downs half of it in one go anyways.

Now, what Tyler first expects is to take this stunning masterpiece of a girl to some weird hotel room a block away before fucking her into a mattress, only to wake up in the morning with the idea of never speaking to or seeing her again. That’s exactly what Brendon had introduced them for, right?

If you’d told him earlier that day he would spend the next hour and a half drinking himself into a stupor and crying into her shoulder about Joshua Dun, he’d call you batshit insane.

But, that is precisely what he does.

“I can’t believe he just _left_ me,” he wails, slamming a fist onto his thigh. He hiccups, and Jenna pats his leg sympathetically.

“Maybe it was for the best,” she frowns, and he sobs even harder, collapsing into her shoulder. She pats his back until he rights himself, taking his cup away from his hand carefully when he raises it to his lips, setting it back down on the table. “I think you’ve had enough of that, honey.”

He groans, rubbing at his face, before struggling to his feet.

“Where are you going?” she asks, and he nearly topples over when he tries to move away. She pushes herself out of her chair after him, carefully wrapping an arm around his shoulders before helping him walk through the crowd.

Tyler leans heavily on her shoulder as she searches Brendon out in the mass of drunken teenagers. She finds him collapsed on a couch with a boy she recognizes as Dallon nestled into his lap, and heads his way, tugging Tyler along.

“Brendon,” Jenna calls, shaking his shoulder until he moves away from kissing Dallon senseless, looking around curiously until his eyes focus on her.

“ _Hiiiii_ , Jen- _na_ ,” Brendon sing-songs, eyes bright. Dallon beams at her, head falling backwards against Brendon’s neck.

She hoists Tyler up from where he’s trying _incredibly_ hard to fall to the ground, moving her arm from his shoulders to his waist. He gazes at her unsteadily, resting his forehead against her cheek. “I’m taking him back to my place. You good here?”

“Sure, babe,” Brendon giggles as Dallon licks at his throat. She wrinkles her nose and pushes Tyler away toward the front door – someone opens it for her and she shoves him outside. He whines at the sunlight, throwing his hand over his eyes in a half-hearted motion before stumbling along, trying to match Jenna’s footsteps as she drags him toward her car. She opens the door with some difficulty before trying to throw him into the back seat – immediately, his hands go for her shoulders, wrapping around her throat

“I swear to God, do not puke in my car,” Jenna groans as she pries Tyler’s hands from around her neck. He drags out a lazy, disappointed whine, falling back against the seat.

 

+

 

“Did you throw up in her car?” Josh snorts, suddenly interrupting Tyler’s story after being silent for the entire time.

Tyler laughs, drinking from his cup. “Yeah, I did. She never let me live that down.”

Josh chuckles, leaning back into his seat. “Alright, tell me more.”

Tyler leans his head back, rolling his shoulders. “Uh, where was I? She tried to drive me to her house, I puked in her car, she cried –“

“Wait, she _cried_?”

“No, I’m kidding, but she did look like she was about to.”

“Oh, thank God.”

Tyler grins. “She tried to get me up on her couch, right, but I collapsed on the floor of her doorway and I wouldn’t move, so she just put a blanket on me and let me sleep it off.”

Josh laughs into the lid of his cup. “At least you didn’t throw up on her floor.”

Tyler freezes where he’s tilting coffee into his mouth. Josh gives him a glare. “Tell me you didn’t, dude.”

“Uh. I might have.”

Josh begins cackling wildly.

“It’s not funny,” Tyler protests, but a smile of his own breaks across his face when Josh laughs so hard he begins wheezing into the palm of his hand, attracting the attention of those around them. He coughs twice, stuttering an apology while wiping small tears away from his eyes with the back of his hand.

“You expect me to believe you had a kid with some poor girl who’s floor you vomited on?” Josh asks, voice hoarse. He melts back into a giggling mess all over again at the affronted look on Tyler’s face, resting his forehead on the table to help calm himself down.

Eventually, after a few deep, panting breaths, Josh collects himself and manages to sit upright. His eyes are glazed with a wild shine and tears of laughter line the edges, his cheeks laced with splotches of pinkish-red. Tyler’s reminded all over again of why he fell in love in the first place and it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He takes a sip of his coffee a little too fast to get rid of the feelings swarming in his stomach and it splashes out of the top of the lid, colliding into his lap – he curses, and Josh squeals out another laugh, clutching at his sides.

He rips a napkin off of the table and dabs at his lap with shaking fingers. Josh covers his face in his hands and laughs quietly into his palms, tears streaming down his cheeks once again.

“God, it must look like we just broke up, or something,” Josh coughs once he recovers, rubbing the heels of his palms against his eyes to clear away lingering tears. He tilts his head back, swallowing down mouthfuls of his own drink, and Tyler chuckles awkwardly. “But none of this explains how you got her pregnant.”

“Oh, it does,” Tyler sighs, running a hand through his hair. “You’re just impatient.”

 

+

 

“I’m so sorry,” Tyler whispers over the edge of the toilet seat for the hundredth time.

Jenna looks at him sympathetically, crouching down next to him to pat his back. “It’s okay. You didn’t mean to. Carpets can be cleaned.”

“I’ll clean it up, I –“ his words are interrupted by more vomit splashing down into the toilet bowl.

He drowns his anguishing headache with three glasses of water and as many tablets of Advil Jenna provides him with. He sprawls out on her couch and covers himself in a blanket, ignoring the weird feelings in the pit of his stomach about how he’s currently invading the privacy and space of a girl he really doesn’t even know.

Plus the fact that he vomited in her car and all over her floor, but she promises him that she’s not mad. Jenna is too much of an angel for the likes of him, really, especially when she brings him a plate of pancakes and helps him sit himself up, setting the plate in his lap.

“Hope you like pancakes,” she chirps, flopping down next to him with a pretty smile.

He responds immediately by shoving a bite into his mouth, letting out a moan that’s a little to pornographic for comfort. “Holy shit,” he groans. “This is so _good_.”

She laughs at him, patting his knee. “I’m glad you like it so much.”

He does, because he eats it all in record time, and he feels so full he might burst all over Jenna’s carpet. He’d already done once, and he doesn’t need a repeat, so he shoves the plate away, setting it carefully on her coffee table.

He’s curious, though, as to why she’s being so kind. After a few moments of awkward silence, he asks, “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“I went through something similar once,” Jenna sighs in explanation, craning her neck against the back of her couch. “I get it. I know what you’re going through, even if Brendon is an ass for dragging you to that stupid party, so I’m here for you.”

He never really did get everything he felt out of his system. He thought he’d cried it all out, he thought he’d poured all of the words of hatred and anguish out of himself and into his writing, he thought he’d actually come to terms with losing Josh as his boyfriend and best friend. Evidently, he hadn’t, or he wouldn’t be spilling everything that he still had inside him, pouring his broken heart out to some poor girl he still didn’t even know.

When did he start crying? His cheeks are wet with tears, his throat hoarse. “Oh, god, I’m sorry, I’m sorry –“

“ _Tyler_ ,” she interrupts, leaning toward him. His jaw snaps upward, teeth clacking together with the force, and he feels his head begin to ache again.

She moves her hand underneath her jaw. Her touch is nothing like Josh’s – her fingers are too skinny, too dainty to be Josh’s, her movements too feather-light and soft. Her body is nothing like Josh’s when he slides his own hands around her waist – her skin is too smooth, she has too many soft curves and he misses the blocky shape of Josh’s body underneath his fingertips.

Still, he kisses her. He kisses her like he kissed Josh back in high school, in janitor’s closets cutting class, in bathroom stalls when they snuck away during lunch, sprawled across his couch when Josh hovered above his frame, thrusting into him with such vigor that he came too hard, his vision dotting with stars.

He kisses her because it’s all he has to hold on to with Josh gone. He kisses her to make up for lost time, he kisses her to drown his emotions, he kisses her to forget what it’s like kissing Josh.

In the end, he fucks her into the couch like he meant to do initially, and all he can think about is Josh.

 

+

 

Tyler carefully chooses not to tell Josh anything about how he had sex with Jenna to forget what it was like to have sex with him. He figures it’s the wrong place and the wrong time, that he’ll have another chance to make everything right, even if things feel broken beyond repair. 

“I think you get the gist of it,” Tyler says instead, waving a hand, before draining the rest of his coffee. “We had sex, the condom broke –“

Josh shoots him a weird look, holding up a hand to cut his words off. “The condom broke?”

“Yeah.”

“You knew her for less than a day, and you got her pregnant?” Josh clarifies. He feels like he should be angry, but he’s really not because mistakes happen, even if his voice does come out a little shakier than he intended.

Tyler nods, clutching his now-empty cup as something to ground himself. “You wouldn’t believe how _calm_ she was when she told me. She called me, like three or four weeks later, and she was just like, ‘hey, Tyler, I’ve got something to tell you’. Naturally, I’m already freaking out, right, and I’m just like ‘god, please don’t let this be anything serious’.”

He pauses, trying desperately to collect his scattered thoughts. “I got to know her pretty well within that month. We were actually friends and stuff because we understood each other, you know? Kind of like you and me. Anyways, she tells me, ‘I think I’m pregnant’, and you know what I did?”

Josh shakes his head.

“I fainted.”

“You’re _kidding_.”

Tyler chuckles, nervously. “I wish. I fainted on my kitchen floor. When I woke up, I drove straight to her house, she showed me the pregnancy test, and it was positive.”

“Jesus,” Josh gives a low whistle.

“Right? We discussed all our options and stuff. I tried to go to every single ultrasound and doctor’s appointment, and if I couldn’t get there, I made my mom go in my place. I only missed one. We considered adoption, and – uh,” his voice falters, and Josh leans in, resisting the urge to reach out and comfort him. “uh – abortion. She couldn’t do it. She wanted to keep the kid, and in the end, we figured it all out and we kept him.”

Josh sits back, shocked into silence. Tyler glances at him warily, giving him a few seconds to find his words. “Kind of makes me wish I didn’t go to college,” he finally decides, a wry smile on his lips, and Tyler laughs.

“In a way, I’m glad you did,” Tyler admits sheepishly. “I love him so much. He looks just like me – god, my mom barely ever puts him down. Jenna’s parents don’t like me too much, but they love him.”

“Understandable,” Josh sighs, drinking the rest of his now-cold coffee. He’s a little too anxious to wrap their impromptu meeting up, bouncing slightly in his seat. “Thanks for this, but I should be heading home.”

Tyler nods. “Yeah, me too.”

Josh slips out of his seat, and this time, he does stand and wait for Tyler to walk beside him. He can’t exactly tell what’s going on inside Tyler’s mind at the moment like he used to be able to, but he’s at ease with the comforting quiet between them as they make their way to Tyler’s car.

Tyler even rushes to open his door for him, grinning brightly as Josh situates himself inside. It’s a small gesture that triggers memories of dates to movie theaters and malls and restaurants, because Tyler always was the perfect gentleman, even in the little things.

“Hey, tell you what,” Tyler says as he flops down into the driver’s side and pulls out of the parking lot. “One of these days, I’ll have you come around to my apartment, and you can meet him.”

Josh’s insides twist painfully, but he forces out a smile and says, “That’d be nice.”

The rest of the ride is silent, Tyler’s eyes locked outside the window at his surroundings. Josh wants to turn the radio on or something, if only to hear Tyler sing along like before, but he’s fixated himself on staying in his seat.

He feels like he’s suffocating in tension by the time Tyler parks his car outside his parent’s house. He’d give his left arm for the comfortable quiet that had been there not ten minutes ago.

“Thanks for letting me explain,” Tyler sighs, reaching out to touch Josh’s leg. He decides last second it would be better if he kept his hands to himself, and pulls away completely.

“Sure,” Josh tries to smile, but it looks too much like a grimace. He swallows down the words bubbling out of his throat – _I’ve missed you_ – and opens the door, sliding himself out.

“Josh,” Tyler calls, leaning himself over the center console before the door closes in his face. Josh bends over, poking his head in once again. “Yeah?”

Tyler clears his throat, avoiding direct eye contact. “I – uh, you know, I missed you.”

Josh’s heart jumps into his throat. “Oh.” He has to say something now. “Yeah. I missed you, too.”

Another thought comes to mind. _I shouldn’t have left you_. He forces this one down because it’s a little too soon to say everything that’s been on his mind in the time that he’s been gone. Tyler gives him a gracious smile as he shuts the door. He stands back and waves as Tyler drives away, and it feels like maybe he took a piece of his heart with him.

 _I really shouldn’t have left you_.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on social medias~  
> @blurryfced on tumblr  
> @blurryfceds on twitter
> 
> comments are always appreciated!!  
> let me know what you think and what you want to see happen!!


End file.
